Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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