wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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