she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
