you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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