he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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