I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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