there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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