it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
