Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
