I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
