Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
