whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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