you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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