I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I look better un-naked...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
