someone owes me an orgasm
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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