Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
And then he peed in my hair
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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