I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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