just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
