Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
