Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
