I'm sorry my penis didn't work
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
