the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
