i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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