So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he thought i was a dude.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
