My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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