Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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