i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
