I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
