I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
