everyone is single if you try hard enough
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
