Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
