FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
