I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
