I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
