It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
