Moan for me like Helen Keller
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
