People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
