definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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