You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
