you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
