i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
