I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
