why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
