I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
