You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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