I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
