Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
