How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
