I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
