I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
