Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize