I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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