we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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