he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
