drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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