I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
